Thursday, July 28, 2011


Welcome back, to those who survived my first post. And congratulations, you some how made it.

Today I’m discussing… well to be honest I don’t know what I’m going to be talking or typing about. I feel like I have so much to say, whether its heard or not. Or read.

I love talking. But I don’t talk. My silence can feel deafening to myself. But my words just wont form, and when they do finally form they refuse to be released. My opinions don’t matter to those surrounding me, but only to myself. I feel like I get trapped inside my own mind, no room for me to breathe as I stare at the world going on around me, completely unaffected by me. When I do speak my words are meek. They are quiet words, words that keep me from getting noticed. They aren’t the words I feel like I should be speaking, but the words I speak because they are the words those around me wish to hear. Do those words make me weak?

I wish that I could live a simple life. A life without people constantly judging you. Judging you for your looks, for your smarts. I want to live my life knowing that no cares what I look like. I wish that I could be brave and say ‘I don’t care what you think of me’, but I’m not. But I refuse to allow your words to truly hurt me. Because even if I’m not beautiful to you, or your friends, I am beautiful to myself. I have no flaws in my eyes.

I will wish no harm on others, no matter how hurtful they’re words may be. I will not hate someone for speaking they’re opinion, cruel or not. Because hating is like a full time job. You have this constant feeling in the pit of your stomach. But I know that if I were to hate someone all I’d be able to think about it is. What if something happened to me? Or the other person? Hating people is to much. If they say hurtful things to you, then ignore them. I know easier said than done. But they’re words are just they’re way of feeling stronger. But if you remain strong then they’re words shouldn’t matter to you.

I’m not a therapist. I don’t understand people anymore than the next person. I’m just speaking from my own experiences. Nothing hurts more than having someone tell you your ugly, or that your stupid. Just remember that your not. You are as beautiful as you want to be. And if you want to be beautiful, then you are.

Society pressures us young woman and young men to be something perfect. But perfection is impossible. You may be beautiful on the outside, but if you treat people like stepping stone you will be the ugliest person at the ‘ball’, so to speak. You may not get the cold shoulder because you flipped you long blonde hair in the right direction, then you smiled your sweet smile but if you looked down upon someone else, you wont be beautiful.

And for you, those rare few guys that for some reason are reading this just realize that making fun of that guy because he wore a scarf will one day bite you in the ass. ( Also going for the girls who have also done it). Sometimes saying what you think people want to hear, well sometimes it just shouldn’t be said.  And also remember that that guy, he had the balls you don’t have to walk confidently down the hallway in that scarf. He knew that he was going to get made fun of, but he didn’t care. He wanted to wear that scarf, and he did it. So while you may think its funny to make fun of that guy, atleast he wore that scarf.

Whether or not its true, just remember, sticks and stones may brake my bones but words will never hurt me. I am who I am. I will be proud to be what I am. I will refuse to say words to those surrounding that will hurt them. I know I’m not an angel and that I’m not perfect, but I am willing to try to respect those that are around me whether or not they respect.

Perfection is unrealistic.

Please do comment. =]

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